Happy Birthday to me. I just turned 61 years old. Telling you this makes me feel a whole lot of uncomfortable even downright queasy. I rarely reveal my age. Really only to my closest friends. And now, here I am sending it out into the universe.
Why now? Because it’s time to change the narrative in my own mind around aging. Let me start by saying I know it’s a privilege to grow older. I know what the alternative is. I’m grateful to be here especially after going through breast cancer more than 10 years ago.
At the same time, I don’t want to feel toxic positivity. Maybe toxic is too strong of a word. Perhaps forced positivity is a better descriptor. There’ll always be people better off and worse off than you or me in every aspect of life.
But, denying how I feel and then adding guilt on top of that for not feeling grateful doesn’t help. I feel what I feel about getting older. And that feeling didn’t grow from within me, but from the influences around me throughout my 61 years of life.
Photo by Romain Huneau on Unsplash
Our society values youth and beauty which is generally fair, smooth skinned, thin bodies. Is that changing? Maybe, but so slowly that our great grandchildren will still likely be receiving the same message.
Do I feel like a 61-year-old? No, I feel like a 40-year-old, ok maybe 50, lol. I do notice I don’t recover as quickly from aches and pains, and my memory is not what it used to be.
But, what I really feel is I have so much more to accomplish and time is running out. I’m now on the downward side of that halfway point. It’s a slippery slope and that frightens me.
I think what contributes to this is my life doesn’t look like most of my contemporaries. Most 61-year-olds are retired or at least thinking about retiring. I’m trying to grow a business that can support me.
Women in their 60’s are enjoying their grandchildren. I have a 17-year-old daughter who is about to graduate and go off to university. Which reminds me, I saved the 1 and 6 birthday candles from her 16th birthday and we used them on my cake…in reverse. Much easier than blowing out 61 candles!
Photo by Tyler Delgado on Unsplash
Also, not being part of a couple adds to that feeling. I never thought I would be single again at this point in my life. Of course, I know I’m not the only one. There are plenty of women on their own whether by choice or not. You can’t deny though, the world favours couples once you get beyond a certain age.
We really don’t treat our elders with much respect. There’s a point where people become invisible, are set aside, especially if they don’t have family close by. Just look at our long-term care facilities. Our whole system doesn’t celebrate getting old.
We could learn a lot from Indigenous communities. Elders are pivotal members of the community. They are kept close by as stewards and teachers of history, customs, and traditions passing on knowledge to the younger generations.
In my daughter’s Grade 12 Challenge and Change in Society class, their assignment is to interview an elderly person. When her teacher was asked, “How old is elderly?”, he responded 50 and up. What the what! 50, really? So much for challenge and change in society. Although I did read an article that said the older we get, the further along in age we consider elderly to be. I’m guessing her teacher is not yet 50.
I hope this is not coming across as one big whiny diatribe. That’s not my intent. I would like to change my thinking around aging and hopefully, that’ll help change my daughter’s thinking, and her children, and so on.
And, doesn’t change start with admitting you have a problem, an inaccurate belief or way of thinking that’s not benefitting you, and then owning it? So, here I am at 61.
Let me know in the comments how you feel about aging.
Until next time,
~ Colleen
I’m a recovering Chartered Accountant and Breast Cancer Champion turned Fashion Designer. My COKANNA Canadian-made bamboo clothing is all about comfort and style. Giving back to the community is important to me so I support Rethink Breast Cancer‘s metastatic breast cancer education, support and advocacy work.
Nobody would have guessed your age Colleen. You look so young and beautiful and have so much energy and drive. Good luck in reaching your business goals. You deserve the best.
Thanks for your kind words and support, Nancy! I figured a few people would be surprised by my age.
Age is just a number. 77 … what’s that? I still feel like a teenager inside.
Elizabeth, I aspire to be just like you when I grow up!
Hi Colleen and Happy Birthday!
I thought you were a young 50 ish lady. You look great! I remember when I turned 50, my Dad wanted to celebrate with family. I thought no way, but then I started thinking about it and realized I was in a good place in my life and it was worth a celebration. I still kept quiet about my age. I recently met a nice younger woman in her early 50’s, who commented on older people (ones over 60) not being quick enough and terrible with technology. No wonder we sometimes hesitate to disclose our age. Now that I am nearing 68 and very recently retired, I am proud of my age. All age groups should be valued as we all contribute to society in important ways.
Maureen
Thanks for the birthday wishes, Maureen! I totally agree with you, all age groups should be respected, celebrated and valued even those of us over 60. When younger people make negative comments about their elders, what they don’t think about is someday they’ll be there too. It happens to everyone if we’re fortunate enough.
Happy Birthday Colleen
We were both January babies!
61 is still young, how about 87 and still going
Enjoy many years ahead
Well, happy birthday month to you too, Eileen! Thanks for the wishes. You’re right, it’s all about perspective! You’re 87 and still going strong. Fantastic!
As many of your responders mentioned, age is simply a number, it is not a state of mind. Like you, at 61 I was actively growing my business. At 71, my current age, I have accepted the opportunity to facilitate a Canada wide program for women physicians re: leadership. Still working, although I consider it my play as this is what I truly want to commit to. I think the key to healthy aging is to ignore the focus on youth and change the direction of our gaze to see the amazing things being achieved by folks in the later decades. We have much to offer the world, especially as we unwind from the circumstances of the last two years. And we only remain vital when we think we are. You have created a true legacy with CoKanna designs, unique to you. Happy birthday my friend, you are only beginning to realize your potential. Love ya!
Ahh, Betty, love ya too! Thanks so much for your thoughtful and encouraging words. You’re a role model for me. You’re like my sister. She’s 72 and still working in her sign painting business. She loves it because it keeps her active physically and mentally.
It was fun to celebrate your 61st BD on the actual day. I used to keep my age a secret and when people would ask “how old are you”. I’d respond with “how old do you think I am?”. Course no one guessed my actual age which at that time was a good thing. Today I don’t hide my age and people still don’t guess my actual age. This year I will be 70 and truthfully that frightens me a bit and as my birthday in July draws closer, I may feel somewhat depressed. My plans are to try and live it up on my BD celebrating this year with all my best friends and family. It will be a milestone in my life and worth living it up.
Thanks for celebrating my birthday with me, Marilyn! 70 is a big one and you should certainly live it for your birthday week, month, and even the whole year!
Colleen, the body starts aging the moment we are born. It is not a few wrinkles that define how we age but the brain function. Having a business and a 17-year-old ensures you will remain younger and more involved longer than most, be grateful for both. For many, the decline starts at retirement when there are no more challenges to be met. It forced me to return to work in the winter because I noticed cognitive decline once all aggravations were eliminated from my life. Mental agility, better resistance to stress, and more physical involvement returned after I started contract work.
Comparing yourself to other women your age is faulty logic because the path they are on is not necessary the healthy one. You have all the right elements built into your life, which ensures your mental and physical activity won’t stop at 65 just because someone randomly assigned that age to ‘too old to remain in the workforce’ – there were talks a few years ago to move that age to 70 so that might help change people’s perception of the onset of elderly. Stand tall and don’t stop dancing in your kitchen, physical agility will send a clear message to people who cross your path.
Thank you for your continued inspiring blogs, it’s always a pleasure to read you.
Thank you for this, Diane! You’ve brought a whole new fresh perspective that I hadn’t considered. I’ve been taking the uphill view instead of the much easier downhill view. I think a lot of older adults would like to continue working beyond 65 just like yourself. My sister is 72 and still running her own business. I think a person’s previous work life experience has a lot to do with it. I will keep dancing in my kitchen, laughing at my daughter’s jokes, and growing my business. Thank you so much for being a loyal reader. It’s always a pleasure to receive your thoughtful insights.